“Hi, Gwendolyn. I need you to meet me at a secret location.”
“Hi, Doofus Lord.”
“Hey! That’s not my name and you know it.”
“Yeah, whatever. What do you want?”
“I…just want to see you again.”
“Oh, come on. Don’t say it like that. I really do want to see you again.”
“Before or after you make out with Dentyne Barbie?”
“That’s not her name and you know it.”
“Come on, Gwen. Just one more time. I can make things right. I can do things right this time. I swear I can.”
“Yeah, you can swear all right.”
“Please what? Give you another chance? Really? Because I don’t see that happening. Do you have any ideas how many of our dates you bailed out on?”
“Well, I had something—-”
“YOU LEFT ME STANDING AT THE ALTAR JUST SO YOU COULD MAKE OUT WITH DENTYNE BARBIE!”
“So, no. I don’t want to patch things up with you. I don’t want to give you a second chance. I sure don’t want to meet you at some cheesy secret location. So, yeah. Tough on you, Doofus Lord!” And Gwendolyn hung up the phone.
Dufus Lord looked down at his cell phone.
Dentrice Varnon smirked. “Looks like you lose again.”
He frowned at her. “You won’t get away with this.”
“Oh, I will. And no one will come to your rescue.” Dentrice tossed her head back and chortled as her henchmen tied Dufus to the chair. “But really. It’s all your fault. Being too subtle. That always was your problem. Your fatal flaw.” She chortled again. “And in a few minutes, it will be your very fatal flaw.”
He shrugged. “I’ve escaped from more hopeless situations.”
“You won’t escape this one, Dufus. There is no cavalry this time. You are going to die.”
An eerie, hollow laugh illed the air.
Dufus’ hair stood on end.
Dentrice pointed her Abrablaster in all directions. “Who’s there?”
The air next to Dentrice shimmered and shined. “It is I!” A short, overweight man in tight yellow spandex appeared and snatched the gun out of Dentrice’s hands. “Deus ex Machina Guy! Hahaha—” He knocked her out with one punch. “—hahahahahaha—”
Her goons charged at him.
He one punched her goons into unconsciousness.
“—-hahahahahahahahaha! Haha!” He released Dufus from his bonds. “All righty then! Time for you to kiss and make up with Gwen!”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“If all else fails, I’ll step in and make it all right. For I am….Deus ex Machina Guy! Hahaha!”