Yoda’s Advice Column

Dear Yoda,

There’s this girl I like. I don’t know if she likes me though. What should I do? I mean, I want to approach her and be all cool, but I’m afraid she’ll think I’m just being a dork.

What do you think? Should I try?

Sincerely,

Cool (Not a dork)

***

Cool Not a dork,

NO!

No try.

Do.

Or do not.

There is no try.

Sincerely,

Yoda.

******

Dear Yoda,

My friends think I’m a wimp.

I don’t think I’m a wimp. I just don’t have a very forceful personality.

How can I show my friends that I am not a wimp?

Sincerely and truly

NOT A WIMP

***

NOT A WIMP, are you?

The force is an energy that binds us, connects us. You. Me. Those rocks. And yes. Even your spaceship.

Some say that midichlorians help a Jedi use the force. But they are a niche and rebellious group. I pay them no mind.

But remember, a Jedi’s strength floooooows from the force. But beware of anger and fear. They will lead you down to the dark path and forever will it dominate your destiny.

Sincerely,

Yoda.

*******

Yo! Master Yoda!

Can I use the force to pick up hot chicks?

Heheheheheeeeee!

***

NO!

Love and possessions and affection is not the way of the Jedi. It creates too many problems. Too much drama. Too much fireplace angst. It is one of the easiest paths to the darkside.

So, no.

Do not use the force for such unlawful purposes.

Yoda.

********

Hey, Obi-Wan.

I HATE YOOOOU! You’re overly critical. You never listen! You stink! Your beard is ugly! Your face is ugly! Your lightsaber technique is ugly!

YOU’RE THE WORST JEDI MASTER EEEEEVVVVAH!

****

Young Skywalker,

This is not Obi-Wan’s blog.

His blog is obiwansings.wordpress.com.

Quit spamming me.

Yoda.

April Writing Prompts

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