Kim at overtheandes.com did this tag and the questions tickled my sense of humor. I had to throw these questions at my Ambrose and Elsie characters just to see how they would react.
On to the questions!
“I don’t wanna!” Robin tried to go full solid lump, but that accomplished nothing.
Raven just pushed him harder.
“It ain’t fair! I had to answer all them dumb questions last time. Why can’t Ambrose do it?”
“You know as well as I do that Ambrose is not available this time around.”
“Well, ain’t that freakin’ convenient?”
“Please, sir. Stop being so difficult. It is not even the same interviewer.”
“oh.” Robin stopped being a belligerent drag. “Why didn’t you freakin’ say so?”
They stopped outside the kitchen door.
Robin shoved the door open and entered the room.
Raven tried to slip away, but Robin grabbed him by his lapels. “Oh no, you don’t! If I gotta be miserable, you gotta be miserable too.”
“I beg your pardon, sir, but—”
“Hey! You want me to do this, right?”
Raven sighed. “Very well, sir.”
The two vampires approached the tall, wheaty man in the powder blue suit.
He rushed forward and shook their hands. “Hello! Hello! Pleasure to meet you! Pleasure to meet you! My name is Darby Plinnoquit. I am the top reporter for the Bibliophiles’ Regret. I’m sure you’ve heard of us.”
Robin shrugged. “I ain’t even sure what a biblofranco even is.”
Darby looked offended as if Robin had compared his mother to weak tea. “A bib-li-o-phi-le is a purveyor of books and the fond reading of them.”
“Huh? Is this a book club thing?”
Darby huffed out a wounded sigh.
Raven gestured to the table. “Please, sir. Have a seat. Is there anything I can give you? Any liquid refreshments?”
Darby sat down. “No. I’m fine.”
“Very well.” He shot a sharp glare at Robin, who snorted.
“Ain’t no need to glare death and swears at me. I said I’d do it.” Robin dropped into the nearest chair and slouched.
Raven sat next to him – posture perfect.
“All right.” said Robin. “Fire away. Just no stupid food or pet questions.”
Darby pulled out his notebook and pen. “Okay! Question #1: Would you rather have a friend who loses your books or a friend who dog ears them?”
Raven arched an eyebrow. “Well, if they truly are a friend of mine, they would know not to do either.”
Darby nodded as he wrote Raven’s answer in his notebook. “Would you rather secretly love a book everyone hates or secretly hate a book everyone else loves?”
Robin fidgeted. “I can be kinda contrary. So, I’ll go with both.”
Darby frowned. “You can’t do that. It’s an either/or question.”
“Tough. That’s my answer. Deal with it.”
Darby’s frown did not lift as he wrote the answer down. “uhh. Would you rather be stuck on a very long plane or train ride without a book?”
“I wish I were on a plane right now.” Robin muttered.
“If I am traveling with the right companion, it does not matter if I have a book.”
Darby shrugged. “Okay. Let’s say you’re all alone.”
“I would be too lost in my worries about my slapdash family to fully focus on any written story.”
Darby’s frown lifted. He nodded. “Good answer. Not perfect, but good.”
“Huh? What’s good about that? He didn’t even answer your question.”
Raven discreetly kicked Robin’s ankle.
“Next question: Would you rather have dinner with your favorite author or your favorite character?”
Robin scowled. “Sounds like a food question. I ain’t answerin’ it.”
Raven thought it over. “I believe I would prefer to have dinner with my favorite author. I have many so questions I would love to ask them.”
“Yes!” Darby fidgeted happily. “You’re finally getting into the spirit of this interview!”
“I ain’t.” said Robin.
“Well. I wasn’t talking about you.”
Darby cleared his throat. “Would you rather date a character you have a crush on or your crush from real life?”
“Oh, there’s an easy one that ain’t that dumb. I choose Isellta. Ain’t any doubts about it.”
“And I would gladly choose Missy over any other written woman.”
“Sweet…” Darby smiled as he wrote in his notebook. “Would you rather have your favorite book turned into a movie or your favorite movie turned into a book?”
“Book into a movie.” Robin smiled. “Easy. Seein’ characters and situations come to life…ain’t a thing like it.”
“I prefer the reverse: Movie into a book. I enjoy seeing how the author takes a visual scene and reduces it to mere words on a page. Yet, they are still able to instill that sense of wonder and excitement in the reader.”
“Lovely answer! Would you rather read a book with an annoying cliffhanger or one where your favorite character is killed off?”
“Neither.” Robin and Raven said in unison.
“Oookay…Would you rather lose the ability to read any new books or the ability to reread books you’ve already read?”
Robin sighed. “I ain’t answerin’ that one ‘cuz I don’t get it.”
“The ability to read any new books…” Raven frowned. “I would be unable to read library books with Missy. I would not like that. I suppose I would be willing to lose the ability to reread books.”
“I don’t get it. Like, what does that even mean ‘bein’ unable to reread books’? How would that even work?”
Darby cleared his throat. “Next question! Would you rather live in a library or a bookstore?”
Raven’s expression went blank.
He’s probably imaginin’ all sorts of dumb horrors.
“Could I not live at home instead? I do not know where I would hang my clothes. How I would keep them neat and orderly.”
“I knew it. All sorts of dumb horrors.”
Raven focused on him. “I beg your pardon, sir?”
“Nothin’. What’s the next question?”
“Would you rather lose your place or get a paper cut every time you read a book?”
Robin shrugged. “We’re vampires. Duh. Nothin’ cuts our skin. Next!”
“So, wait. You’d rather lose your place every time you read?”
“Ain’t that big a deal. I can always find my place again.”
Raven thought about it. “Yet, it is such a bother to always search for where one left off, though.”
“So says the man who owns 5500 bookmarks.”
Raven looked offended. “I do not own that many. I own just one: a miniature Turkish rug Missy bought for me from an online store.”
“Would you rather have to always read in the dark or always read books with tiny text?”
Robin folded his arms across his chest and slumped lower in his seat. “Stupid question. Ain’t answerin’.”
“That is hardly a surprise, sir. We are vampires. We can see just fine in the dark.”
“Would anyone really choose that other option? Dumb. Just dumb.”
Darby looked over his list of questions. “Ah! We’re down to the last one. Would you rather read by a fireplace or on the beach?”
“Fireplace.” said Raven. “Just me and Missy and a well written book that we can get lost in.”
“Beach.” Robin said. “‘specially if I’m with Isellta.” He smiled and it lit up his scarred face. “I wouldn’t get much readin’ done though. I’d spend all my time watchin’ him run in the surf and gettin’ all happy over silly things that would only make him happy.”
Robin stood. “I’m gonna go find him. There’s a new store in town. They make stained glass curtains or somethin’ like that.” His heart warmed as he imagined Isellta’s reaction. “Gotta go.”
Raven and Darby stood. “It was a pleasure meeting you, sir. I do apologize for Robin’s attitude. He has always been like that.”
“Hey. I’m still here. I ain’t left yet.” Robin marched towards the door. “But now I really am goin’. Bye!”