The cat sat on the shelf, quietly condemning Nancy.
There wasn’t one thing that she did that he deemed to be anywhere close to right. If it weren’t for the fact that she brought the food home and fed him every night, he would have kicked her out days ago.
He pulled himself up into a statue sit as Nancy answered the phone.
“Hello? Ohhh! Gregory! Daaaaaarling!”
The cat narrowed his eyes into an irritated squint and thought of all the ways he could kill Gregory. If only Gregory didn’t bring all of those lovely fish heads from his work….It was his only saving feature.
The cat glanced at the clock. It was 3:00 in the afternoon. Gregory should have been here by now. He was supposed to come at exactly 2:45:32 every day.
But it was 3:00:41.
This was not right to the cat.
The cat was not pleased. He tapped his tail in subtle irritation in the hopes that Nancy would understand that Gregory had breached his unspoken contract and broken faith.
“ahhhh-hahahaha! Oh, Greg! Really, now! It couldn’t have happened like that. Hahahahaha!”
Nancy was not getting the message.
This required more drastic measures.
The cat would have to tap into his unlimited acting abilities. He rose out of his elegant pose. He slung his belly towards the shelf and hunched his shoulder blades upward. He let out a sick wail that started on a perfect high D flat and descended to a deliberately wobbled G natural. He tossed his head back and caterwauled a high B sharp before throwing himself off the shelf.
“Oh! I’m sorry, Greg! I have to let you go! My cat just fell off the cupboard. I MUST GO TO HIM!”
As she rushed over to him, weeping and promising him the best fish heads ever if only he wouldn’t die, the cat couldn’t help mentally correcting her.
It was a shelf, not a cupboard.
He smiled a smug cat smile as she kissed his black and gray forehead.
But she had promised him the best fish heads ever.
Maybe she wasn’t so hopeless after all.