I Am Too Magnificent For This Interview.

Author’s Note: I couldn’t help doing the Magnificent Me prompt for the lead villain of my ongoing story. He’s such a egomaniacal creep. This prompt felt custom-made for him. So, without any further ado, here it is!

Mark Caten sauntered into the room and sized up the interviewer. He smirked. “Well, if you aren’t just a little treat.”

She blushed. “Hi.” She stepped forward and shook his hand. “I’m Cassidy Moynahan, interviewer for the—”

“Yes, I’m sure you are.” He gestured at a nearby chair. “Please have a seat.”

She sat.

He did not.

“Uhh, why don’t you make yourself comfortable? I have so many questions.”

“Don’t worry, my whipped cream fantasy cake. I’m very comfortable. Anyway, how could you possibly admire my magnificence if I were sitting down?” He thought about it. “I suppose you could. I am magnificent from every angle. But I really don’t need to say what is so obvious. After all, your face isn’t that becoming shade of red because it’s warm in here.”

“Uh.”

“It is from being so close to my sun-like radiance. No. No, not radiance. Glory. Yes, that’s the word I want —- glory! I am no ordinary human. I am a god. Not a god among men, mind you. No, I am literally a god. My parents told me every day and in every possible way, ‘You are our god. We worship your tiny little booties. We kiss the floor you walk on.’ amongst a great many other accolades.” He clapped his hands together. “But enough about me. Ask me your questions about me.”

“Uh. I hardly know where to start.”

He strolled up to her and curled his fingers under her chin. “Start at the very beginning and—” His gaze dipped down to her lips. “—just keep going from there.”

“Uhhh.”

“Go on, you French fried delicacy. I’m waiting.”

“Uhh. Tell me about yourself.”

“I believe I already have, but I’ll gladly tell you more. I am an only child. My parents never denied me anything. Whatever I wanted became mine. Didn’t even matter what it was. All that mattered to them was that I wanted it. I’ve worked my way to the top.” He moved his fingers along her jawline. “I have several successful businesses, because, of course, they are successful. Why would they fail?”

“Are you married?”

He chuckled. “Are you asking for yourself or for your place of business?”

“Uhh. It’s. I.”

“Hahahahahahahahaha! Don’t be so bashful. Of course, you’re asking for yourself. Why wouldn’t you want a piece of this luscious pie?”

“Uhh.”

“Yes, I was married, but we split because of irreconcilable differences. Which would be a nice and empty way of saying that she tried to kill my little girl. My precious Olessa. But my wife is gone now. You might even say that…she’s dead. But we don’t want to talk about her.”

He gave her a knowing look. “You, my diamond encrusted fruitcake, aren’t interested in my former wife. You’re interested in me.”

“I am.” She quickly shook her head. “I mean!”

“Hahahahahahahaha!”

“It’s purely professional!”

“Purely professional? I might believe the professional part, but purely?” He smirked again. “I see how you’re looking at me, Miss Cassidy Moynahan. The way you’re sizing me up.” He tapped the tip of her nose. “Why, there’s nothing even remotely pure about it. Admit it. You’re taken in by my dashing good figure, by my devastatingly handsome face, and by my magnificence in general. There isn’t one ugly thing about me. You know there isn’t, but you’re aching to see just how magnificent I really am.”

She scrambled out of her seat. “Uhhh. I uhhh. uhhh. Um.”

“Hahahahahahahahahaha!”

“No! Really, I mean. I just remembered that I forgot my tape measure…I mean recorder! Tape recorder at work and I need to go get it and—”

He crowded into her space. “Don’t feel embarrassed. This reaction is completely natural. I get it all the time. I suppose I should be embarrassed about it, but that’s just silly. Don’t you agree, Miss Cassidy Moynahan?”

“Completely. Uh. I mean. I really need to go now.” She ran out of the room.

***

Fey Queen Preyuna lowered her cloaking shield. “If she knew what you were really like, she would have run out of the room as soon as she saw your face.”

Mark pinched the side of her face. “Don’t worry, my soured milk cupcake. You’re the only one for me.”

She scowled at him. “Oh, aren’t I ever so lucky.”

“Yes. Yes, you are.”

August Writing Prompts

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