I see her every day, but not when I’m walking alone. It’s always when I’m out with my friends. Or when I’m at the mall.
I see her.
Weaving in and out of the crowd, she’ll stop and look at me. Her expression is neutral. There’s no clues for me to read into. I have no idea why she looks at me.
But she does.
She’s always too far out of my reach. I never can find the courage to approach her. Maybe I think she’ll disappear. Or maybe I think she’s Death waiting for me to surrender.
I’m not ready to die.
I’m not willing to surrender.
But whenever I walk through crowds on the street or at the mall or at church, I look for her. I watch for her.
I hope for her.
And she appears.
Whoever or whatever she is, she always appears in a crowd.
Maybe one day I’ll find the courage to chase her. Maybe I’ll give in and call out to her. When I do, I will call out her name. Somehow, in that moment, I will know her name.
I feel like she already knows mine.
I feel like she knows me. She knows everything about me.
But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m just being paranoid.
Maybe she is nothing at all.
Just a wish.
Just a dream.
Just a hallucination running always in the crowd.