I am a fraud.
Surprised? Of course, you are. You were expecting me to give you all the lavish details of my enthralling, entrancing, shocking, and shimmering life.
Everyone does. So, please don’t be too disappointed. It’s all too sad and predictable.
Lying, however, is wonderful. I can say all sorts of things about myself and people will believe them. Not only believe them, but idolize me for them. They will never try to fact check or question my take on reality. They will buy my words and eat out of my hand…even if I’m offering them gilded breadcrumbs.
So, to answer your questions, no. I have never caught a Bandersnatch redhanded. I have never defeated a dragon in the dead of the night. I have never caught You-Know-Who in his floral-scented underwear. I have never done so many things.
But can you blame me for saying I did them? Because of all these claims I have made, they call me wonderful.
They call me shimmering and wonderful and handsome. Well. All of those claims are true. Just look at this dazzling smile. 😀 Are you dazzled? Yes, I know you are. Everyone is. That’s what makes my lies so convincing.
If my looks were as drab as a ginger-haired Weasley, do you really think anyone would believe my lies? Hardly. But I am a magnificent wonder, spinning wondrous tales for all the young ladies to swallow whole.
And, if you are interested, I am selling my second autobiography The Mere Magnificence of Marvelous Me! by Gilderoy Lockhart with a full sized poster of me included for a mere one thousand galleons. That is a very reasonable price for such a treasure.
I’m sure you agree, miss.
Yes, of course you do.