Bad, First Chapter! Bad!

Author’s Note:  Deidra Alexander had a challenge on her blog about writing a bad first chapter. While her take on it was bad enough, I couldn’t help myself. I decided to take up the challenge. And these are the results.

Enter at your own risk….

Isabella Dreamchild’s alarm went off. Late as usual. She opened her long-lashed eyelids, revealing miraculously cerulean blue eyes that sparkled constantly in the light. Her perfectly plump lips opened wide in a delicate yawn. She sat up and stretched her lean, modelesque arms. Her brilliantly blonde hair was like a sunrise of brilliance that sparkled incessantly with every move she made.

She uncovered her long, lean, perfectly proportioned, drool-worthy body and leapt delicately out of bed. (I guess she slept naked. Not sure. I’d like to think she’s wearing clothes, but it sure doesn’t sound like it, does it?)

(Her alarm was still ringing, by the way.)

She pirouetted over to the full-length mirror and admired how her miraculously cerulean blue eyes sparkled constantly in the light. Her perfectly plump lips never needed lipstick because they were not only perfectly plump, they were also a most pleasing shade of red that went with whatever she wore. Her brilliantly blonde hair sparkled like a brilliant topaz in the bottom of a swimming pool. Her long, lean, perfectly proportioned, drool-worthy body was perfectly proportioned and drool-worthy.

“Oh.” She sighed mournfully. “To be cursed with such beauty. What I wouldn’t give to see a blemish on my perfect porcelain skin or even a hangnail on my everlastingly perfect fingernails. But no. I look like this every day.”

She ran her fingers through her brilliant fountain of brilliantly blonde hair that was like a brilliant sunrise in the brilliant side of Maui.

A single tear trickled down her perfect face as she thought of all of her suitors and random guys who opened doors for her and asked for her phone number and asked if she were available Saturday night and….

She wept as only a woman of such grace and beauty can…..with grace and beauty.

And her alarm clock kept on ringing.


7 thoughts on “Bad, First Chapter! Bad!

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