I am a hippopotamus and I have many expectations.
This is my list of expectations. Please read and memorize. These will all be on the attached quiz:
I expect to be called a hippopotamus, not a hippo. Being called a hippo is akin to calling a giraffe a long-necked tree grazer. It just isn’t right. It is rude and obnoxious.
I expect to be treated with respect. You are not allowed to say any “as big as a hippopotamus” jokes/statements around me. If you do, I will be deeply hurt and offended.
I expect you to respect my space. If I do not want to be bothered, do not bother me. Or I will bite you and that won’t make either of us happy.
I expect you to give me a nice lake and/or river to loll about in. Said lake and/or river must have aquatic grasses that I can nibble on at my leisure.
I expect you to allow me to stay in above mentioned lake and/or river for as long as I want. If I want to be in there all day, let me be in there all day.
I expect you to not mention and/or sing the song “I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas” when you are around me. I find that song to be offensive in so many different ways.
I expect you to understand my wants and needs and moods and be willing to cater to them. You will not call me a diva or compare me to Miss Piggy or any other cultural stereotype of my kind.
I expect you to show me affection and treat me with care.
I expect you to understand that I have a limited tolerance to touching and kissing and other assorted signs of affection.
I expect you to keep me for as long as I live, which could be an easy 40-60 years.
Please memorize all of this expectations and understand that I expect you to live up to all of them.
Thank you.
That is all for now.
cosistories 